An Old Man Calls Pizza Hut To Order A Pizza

An Old Man Calls Pizza Hut To Order A Pizza

An elderly gentleman dials Pizza Hut to place an order…

CALLER: Is this Pizza Hut?

GOOGLE: No, sir, it’s Google Pizza.

CALLER: My apologies, I seem to have dialed the wrong number.

GOOGLE: No need to apologize, sir. Google acquired Pizza Hut last month.

CALLER: Oh, alright. I’d like to order a pizza.

GOOGLE: The usual, sir?

CALLER: My usual? How do you know what I usually order?

GOOGLE: Based on our caller ID data, the last 12 times you called, you ordered an extra-large pizza with three types of cheese, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms, and meatballs on a thick crust.

CALLER: Fantastic! That’s what I want.

GOOGLE: May I suggest trying a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes, and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust this time?

CALLER: What? I’m not interested in a vegetarian pizza!

GOOGLE: Your cholesterol levels are a concern, sir.

CALLER: How do you know that?

GOOGLE: We cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records, including blood test results from the last 7 years.

CALLER: Fine, but I don’t want a vegetarian pizza. I already take medication for my cholesterol.

GOOGLE: Excuse me, sir, but you haven’t been consistent with your medication. Our database shows you purchased only one box of 30 cholesterol tablets at Lloyds Pharmacy four months ago.

CALLER: I got more from another pharmacy.

GOOGLE: That doesn’t appear on your credit card statement.

CALLER: I paid in cash.

GOOGLE: However, your bank statement indicates you didn’t withdraw enough cash.

CALLER: I have other sources of cash.

GOOGLE: Unfortunately, that information doesn’t reflect in your latest tax returns, unless acquired through an undisclosed income source, which is against the law!

CALLER: WHAT THE!!!

GOOGLE: I apologize, sir, our intent is to assist you with such information.

CALLER: Enough! I’ve had it with Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, and all the others. I’m heading to an island without the internet, TV, phone service, or prying eyes.

GOOGLE: I understand, sir, but before you go, you need to renew your passport. It expired six weeks ago…”