Do I (33M) tell my friends (31F) wife that he’s (33M) cheating on her?
I am 33 years old and have been friends with this guy since we were toddlers. He has been married to his wife for 3 years and they’ve been together for 6. I know her pretty well, and the 3 of us hang out quite often, though less so after they had a kid last year.
He’s been telling me how tough becoming a dad has been on his marriage and how he doesn’t get to spend time with his wife any more. I’m neither married nor a dad but I try to listen to him while also reminding him that this is something he should have been at least somewhat prepared for.
2 weeks ago, he asks if he can hang out at my apartment to ‘get a break’. He knew I’d be at work that day but said he just wanted a change of scene so I said sure whatever. I get back from work and notice he’s a bit weird. Asked him whats up and he said he’s been having an affair for 3 months and had sex with his girlfriend in my home that day while I was at work.
I was disgusted and upset and asked him to leave. He said I wouldn’t understand, I told him I didn’t want to have that conversation and he left. Since that day, I’ve been wrestling with telling his wife.
She of course deserves to know and needs to leave him or at least have a conversation with him. But I also know she’s going through a lot being a new mom and my friend already does not do much around the house or with childcare. This will add to her stress and worries and she also is an immigrant without strong family support in this country. So that’s telling me I shouldn’t tell her and just let her find out when he slips up or when he feels the guilt and tells her. At the moment, he’s able to justify it through some twisted logic.
What should I do? I want to do the right thing.
Source: Reddit.com
Summary
A man is in a difficult situation. His friend, who is married, has been having an affair for 3 months and recently had sex with his girlfriend in the man’s apartment while he was at work. The man is disgusted and conflicted about whether or not to tell his friend’s wife. He knows that she deserves to know, but he also worries that this will cause her a lot of stress and hardship, especially since she is a new mom and an immigrant without strong family support in the country.