Banned From Tractor Supply
Yesterday, I visited my local TSC store to purchase a large bag of dog food for my faithful livestock guardian. While waiting in the checkout line, a woman standing behind me inquired if I had a dog.
I couldn’t help but wonder if she mistook my pet for an elephant. With a spontaneous urge, I responded, mentioning that I didn’t own a dog. Instead, I claimed I was embarking on the Dog Diet once again. I casually added that it might not be the wisest choice since my last attempt landed me in the hospital. I had shed 10 pounds but ended up in the intensive care unit, surrounded by tubes and IVs.
I elaborated, explaining that the Dog Diet is quite straightforward. You load your pockets with dog nuggets and consume one or two whenever hunger strikes, as the food provides complete nutrition. I planned to give it another shot.
(At this point, practically everyone in the line was captivated by my narrative.)
To her horror, she asked if my hospitalization was due to dog food poisoning.
I assured her it wasn’t. Instead, I confessed that I’d ventured off the curb to investigate an Irish Setter’s rear end, only to be struck by a passing car.
The person behind her laughed so hard it seemed he might have a heart attack.
As a result, I’ve been banned from Tractor Supply.
This story serves as a reminder to be cautious about what you ask retired individuals. They have an abundance of time to conjure up witty responses.