My Wife Wants A Divorce To Go Stay With Her Cheating Boyfriend

My wife (38F) blows up over small arguments and now wants a divorce from me (35M)

I (M35) came into this marriage with 2 kids (f10) (M8). My wife (38F) has 4 kids from 3 different people. 2 of the baby daddies have split custody of their kids (f11 & F7) and the 3rd baby daddy has nothing to do with his kids (F2 & F2). I have 50/50 custody of my two kids. It’s not ideal but it is what it is. I do my best to include all of the kids and get them involved in sports and doing things. All of the kids seem to like each other but issues do arise from time to time but things have gotten better between them all.

After I got married, my wife would blow up over simple arguments and pull the good ol don’t talk to me. If I gave her space it would end up with her immediately wanting a divorce. If I tried to talk to her she would tell me she didn’t want to talk and I would pretty much force her to talk. Out of all of our arguments and fights, I feel like I have been the one chasing after her and trying to talk things out. If I don’t pursue her after a fight, she shuts down, wont talk to me and will try to sleep in another room.

If I give her space she goes into a mode where she says I don’t care about her our marriage is a joke and she wants a divorce… If I try to talk to her after a fight its hard work. I try to talk, she tells me she doesn’t want to talk She doesn’t seem to want to talk things out when we fight… like ever…. but eventually after enough of her saying I was a dick in one way or another she talks and we move past it.

A few months after we are married, I got the suspicion that she was cheating. She was on the phone a lot more and seemed like she was hiding something. Turns out that she has a 5th kid (M17) from another baby daddy that I did not know about. This made me mad as that’s kind of important information to have before marriage. We get into a fight. She’s up and down on wanting a divorce, I explain to her that I don’t want a divorce and that I married her for a reason.

Whatever, we work it out and move forward. This kid lives in another state, all of the baby daddies are no competition to me and I feel pretty secure again. She flies down once every 3 or 4 months to visit and do court stuff. This sucks as it takes away time and money from our relationship which are the things that are strained already.

My wife plans a trip to go see her son and wanted to make this a family trip. I think this would be a cool experience for everyone as my kids haven’t been to a new sate or seen the ocean. So we make it a family trip. I take time off work, kids take time off school and we drive a lot of hours to stay for a couple days before driving back. During the car ride up my wife talked about getting some gummies while we were there. I don’t partake in that but I don’t really care if she does.

I tell her that if she gets to take the edge off that I am going to drink to take my edge off too. She gets super butt hurt about this as she doesn’t like me drinking. She came from a shitty relationship where alcohol was a factor to the shittiness. That and I can be annoying and a bit of a douche myself when I am drunk. It also doesn’t help my case that I may or may not be an alcoholic. I like to feel buzzed and I usually don’t stop until I go to bed. I did have a problem after my divorce as I was drinking 6-8 beers a night to fall asleep. I kind of kept the habit of drinking but not as much since I have been married. Also I stopped drinking for 3 months as she felt it was necessary for me to do so.

I don’t drink at all while we are there but the mood has been set from that. Did I mention that we have 6 kids with us in 1 hotel room?? We brought a pack and play for the toddlers to sleep in and my wife and I discussed the sleeping situation before the trip. My wife thought it would be a good idea for me to sleep in a queen bed with my two kids and she would sleep with her two kids in the other queen bed. We talked about having the kids share a bed and we the adults would share the other one.

We decided against it for whatever reason. I would have been game with either option but I think I was talked out of it by my wife when she said I should sleep with my kids as it might be scary for them being in a new state. So I did. The whole trip she was pissed at me and wasn’t talking to me. She didn’t want to talk and wanted a divorce… again…. We get home and have a huge fight. I am pissed that I haven’t been drinking and that this trip was ruined. What set me off was that when I got home, I went to my bathroom and it reeked of pot. I don’t smoke it and I don’t like it when it is around me.

I tell my wife that our bathroom smells like pot and she says its because she vaped some. This set me off and instantly i told her that she is a loser. The worst thing I have said to her since ever being with her. Huge fight… she wants a divorce…. i force her to talk it out and explain that I don’t like that she gets to take the edge off of things while I can’t. She says it’s not her fault that I am an alcoholic but eventually says that she won’t do it around me. Whatever… we move past it.

Que to the last few days: My wife has a trip coming up so she can visit her kid in the other state. On some of her previous trips, I would watch the kids while she would fly out for a day and come back the next day or two. This time she wants to take her kids to visit family and she will mix in the visit with her kid over the course of 4 days. My wife and I talk about spending time together before she leaves and we both seem excited to do so.

I come home after work, help cook dinner then as she is putting her daughter to bed she starts a fight with me. The fight is about my daughter telling my wife that her daughter (7) unzipped my daughters purse and now my daughter is missing $20. My daughter told my wife that she thought her daughter (7) stole it. I had no knowledge of this and my kids are now gone to their moms house to start their time with her. My wife brings her daughter (7) out to the living rom where I was waiting for my wife to finish putting her kid to bed. My wife asks her daughter in front of me if she took money from my daughter. She (7) says no. My wife asks me about it. I tell her that I know nothing about it. My wife asks me if I think my daughter is truthful. I said yeah think my daughter is pretty truthful.

My wife becomes pissed and says that basically I am calling her daughter (7) a liar. My wife than tells me that my daughter is a manipulative liar because she likes to have my wife do her her before bed or that she turns the tv back on in her room when the tv goes off as a way to stay up and manipulate me. I’m shocked at how this was supposed to go from a happy night to her saying my daughter is pretty much a shitty person for doing what every kid does when it is bedtime.

This turns into a fight… We talk it out but ended the night with me going to bed and her not joining me for a long while. I had to work the next day so I was the first one up. I didn’t wake her up or kiss her goodbye as I was pissed that she didn’t come to bed with me or want to hang out with me which is something that she has been complaining to me about that we don’t do enough of.

We have two toddlers (my step kids) 100% of the time. My kids are there only on my days off, the other two step kids are there mostly during the week and leave on the weekends. Alone time with my wife is hard to come by. My wife and I both work long hours and are on opposite schedules so we don’t really get a lot of time together.

This would have been a perfect time for her to spend time with me before her trip. Now she is in another state and wants a divorce.. doesn’t want me to talk to her. I’m just lost and depressed from all of this. She is a good person and has helped me out a lot. I think she has some self worth issues from time to time but I love the shit out of her and don’t know what else to do. I’ve been thinking about giving up just like she seems to have done.

Source: Reddit.com

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